Victorian Meme Machine - Transcriptions

Lloyd's Weekly Newspaper (London, England), Sunday, December 21, 1890

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Title

Lloyd's Weekly Newspaper (London, England), Sunday, December 21, 1890

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Transcription

<j> <t>HIS FIRST BIRD</t>. - Well, I didn't miss that one, at all events! - No, sir. They will fly into it, sometimes! <a>Punch</a> </j>

<j> <t>LADIES, THE STORM IS OVER.</t> - The latest achievement in modern science is that effected by the Old Lady of Threadneedle-street in bridging over Baring's Straits. <a>Judy</a> </j>

<j> <t>USUALLY SO.</t> - Yes, I carry this for a pocket-piece. (said Crank). It gives me good luck. - I have no pocket-peace (answered Blank, sadly) I'm married. <a>Funny Cuts</a> </j>

<j> <t>A CLOSE RELATIONSHIP.</t> - Mrs. A: Do you notice how attentive the colonel is to Clara? I think there must be something between them. - Mrs. B.: I don't think there could be anything between them, they're so very close together. <a>Ariel</a> </j>

<j> <t>HARD WORKING MAN!</t> - Lady Twombly: Is Lady Bodkin still on the stage? - Lord Bodkin: Yes; she's at the ----. - Lady Twombly: And which part do you take? - Lord Bodkin: Eh? I? Oh - oh, I draw her salary. <a>Judy</a> </j>

<j> <t>"THE YEAR 1890</t> Golf flourished, and Mr Balfour distinguished himself on the links of the Union. Africa was partitioned among Europe. Africa was, however, not so much cut up as Portugal. Judgement was delivered in the Bishop of Lincoln's case, and those who understood got at the rite of it. Stanley came back from Darkest Africa, and then the gas was put out. With the rear guard dispute the expedition lost credit. But it had paid so well that credit was not wanted. While Mr. Caine was devoting himself to the public-house, Mr. Duncan, M.P., walked off with his Barrow. The County council spent a sight of money. It must have been a School board site from the cost of it. The School board when in for pianos. Then it decided upon plunge baths, and so we suffer for its swims. The Emperor William came to our naval manoeuvres, and we have him Heligoland. The cede followed the drill. Bisley replaced Wimbledon. The new butts had beaten the old ifs at last. Boulangism went out in an avalanche of duels was literally emptied down a shoot. The Forth bridge was opened by the Prince of Wales. The first to cross it was the weather. Mrs Fawcett's victory over the wranglers made her a sumbody for the moment." <a>Moonshine</a> </j>

<j> <t>SHE WAS SITTING OUT.</t> - Miss Vi Vayshus: What a shame to sit out this lovely waltz! - Mr. Lazeybohn: Not at all. Much nicer to converse - with you. Miss V. V.: Flatterer! - Mr. L.: No, really; only selfish. You do all the work, don'tchersee! [And then she began to sit up.] <a>Fun</a> </j>

<j> <t>TRUE FEMININE DELICACY OF FEELING.</t> - Emily (who has called to take Lizzie to the great Murder Trial): What deep black, dearest! - Lizzie: Yes. I thought it would be only decent, as the poor wretch is sure to be found guilty. - Emily: Ah! Where I was dining last night, it was even betting which way the verdict would go, so I only put on half mourning. <a>Punch</a> </j>

<j> <t>THE NEW BOY.</t> - Pedagogue: Now, my boy, and what may your name be? - Boy: William, sir. - Pedagogue: No, no, your other name, what's that? - Boy: oh, sir, the other? Oh, Bill, sir. <a>Funny Cuts</a> </j>

<j> <t>A MOOT POINT.</t> - Demagogue: Don’t you perceive the advantage of your children being decently educated? - Coalheaver: I never 'ad any eddication, and I'm none the wus for that! <a>Judy</a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]</t> "Glad to see old England again," said the tramp, when the thaw came. <a>Judy</a> </j>

<j> <t>HARD LINES.</t> - Sad-eyed Stranger: Can you spare a poor feller a coppar, what's lost his only means of support? - Benevolent Gent: Poor chap, and how is that? - Sad-eyed Stranger: Me wife died this morning. <a>Funny Cuts</a> </j>

<j> <t>A DISTINCTION.</t> - Coryphée No 1.: I knew she was a real lady directly when I saw her. - Coryphée No 2. Why? - Coryphée 1: Because she was so badly made up, stoopid. <a>Fun</a> </j>

<j> <t>THE MISTLETOE BOUGH</t> A handy shrub is the evergreen,

And the holly bright, with its glossy sheen,

Finds a very prominent place, I ween,

In the Yuletide decorations;

But of all the greenery that doth grow,

The dark, snow-berried mistletoe

Is the favourite 'mogst high and low

At the Christmas dissipations.

So, hang its boughs in room and hall!

For 'tis loved alike by great and small,

And its presence welcomed most of all

In dim, secluded places;

Where unsuspecting maidens stray,

Oblivious of the fact that they

Stand 'neath its shade, but come away

With ruddy, radiant faces. <a>Moonshine</a> </j>

<j> <t>THE POETRY OF WINTER.</t> - Rime. And it might be worse. <a>Punch</a> </j>

<j> <t>THE "PRESENT" TIME</t> - Christmas. <a>Funny Folks</a> </j>

<j> <t>"SIDE-SPLITTING"</t> - The rupture in the Nationalist party. <a>Funny Folks</a> </j>

<j> <t>A BLOOD RELATION</t> - The shilling shocker. <a>Judy</a> </j>

<j> <t>NOT NECESSARILY BAD HABITS</t> - Riding habits. <a>Judy</a> </j>

<j> <t>A SKULL-KING FELOOW</t> - The phrenologist. <a>Judy</a> </j>

<j> <t>{Untitled]</t> A statistician has calculated that there are 20,100 Swedes in Boston, U.S. But we think nothing of that: we know a man who has nearly as many mangel-worzels in a field in Somersetshire. <a>Fun</a> </j>

<j> <t>SHOCKING!</t> - Do you really mean to study electricity? - Yaas. Bi Jove! I'm going to wear a belt. <a>Judy</a> </j>

<j> <t>A BAG O'TRICKS</t>- Short weight in coals. <a>Judy</a> </j>

<j> <t>BREACHES OF FAITH</t> - Trowsers on trust. <a>Judy</a> </j>

<j> <t>BOYS AND BOYS.</t> - Old Gent: You say you are a drummer boy; why, surely you are big enough and old enough to be a drummer man. - Drummer Boy: It don't go by age, sir, or they wouldn't call you a boy. - O. G.: But do they? - D. B.: Why, yes; a jolly old boy, sir. - [And he got a drink.] <a>Fun</a> </j>

<j> <t>UNCONSCIOUS SARCASM.</t> - An account of policemen's blunders under the heading of "Police Intelligence." <a>Funny Folks</a> </j>

<j> <t>GOING TO THE WALL.</t> The Paris bill-posters are indignant. The Chamber is about to tax mural advertisements. The bill-posters not only affirm that the policy is shortsighted, but that the French Senate itself must be wall-eyed! <a>Funny Folks</a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]</t> It is expected that the London weather will shortly come under the control of the County council. They are drafting a bill for the better regulation of sky signs. <a>Ariel</a> </j>

<j> <t>HOPE DEFERRED.</t> - The printer's joy: A type-righter. <a>Judy</a> </j>

Periodical - Transcription item Item Type Metadata

Periodical Title

Lloyd's Weekly Newspaper

Periodical Frequency

Weekly

Column Title

Jokes of the Day

Gale document number

BC3206274510

Page

6

Year

1890

Date

21/12/1890

Files

Citation

“Lloyd's Weekly Newspaper (London, England), Sunday, December 21, 1890,” Victorian Meme Machine - Transcriptions, accessed July 22, 2018, http://victorianhumour.com/o/items/show/34.

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