Victorian Meme Machine - Transcriptions

Lloyd's Weekly Newspaper (London, England), Sunday, March 8, 1891

Dublin Core

Title

Lloyd's Weekly Newspaper (London, England), Sunday, March 8, 1891

Scripto

Transcription

<j> <t>L'INVITATION A LA VALSE.</t> - She: But you don't know my name! What have you put down on your cuff? - He: Oh, I've put down "Pearl Necklace." - She: But there are lots of pearl necklaces here! - He: Yes; but I've also but down "Small and rather tight" - I mean the Necklace, you know! <a>Punch</a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]</t> How the mind and actions are moulded by one's daily occupation! The other day a most respectable and steady groom, having no time to sit down to his lunch, took the bit between his teeth and bolted. <a>Judy</a> </j>

<j> <t>WHAT NEXT?</t> - The present fashion of closely clinging skirts for ladies is giving way to fuller draperies, in Paris. Let us hope the new mode will not be carried to extreme, and that the fulness will be simply gracefulness. <a>Moonshine</a> </j>

<j> <t>THE FORCE OF EXAMPLE.</t> - Tommy: Heard ma lecturing pa last night on "The force of example." Wonder what she meant, Ethel? - Ethel: Oh, I know! The force of example's what you fell when pa straps you. <a>Ariel</a> </j>

<j> <t>THE SIGN OF THE RED LAMP.</t> - What is a young doctor's first step toward cathing patients? Setting up a trap, isn’t it? <a>Fun</a> </j>

<j> <t>A STRONGHOLD OF IGNORANCE</t> - Dunse Castle. <a>Fun</a> </j>

<j> <t>HEARD AT THE FANCY BALL.</t> - The Classical Era: You know, your costume hasn't a saving point about it. - The Georgian Period: Well, there's very little waste about yours. <a>Fun</a> </j>

<j> <t>WHAT'S IN A NAME?</t> - On the recent occaision of the Queen's visit to Portsmouth, no one of the officials seems to have been more on the alert and more generally alive than Mr. Deadman, the Chief Constructor of the Yard. <a>Punch</a> </j>

<j> <t>HER MOURNING SMOKE.</t> - "Christina! Smoking? I'm surprised at you! And so soon after your poor husband's death, too!" "Widows' weeds, my dear Matilda. Widows' weeds." <a>Ariel</a> </j>

<j> <t>SEEMS? - Nay, IT - ISN'T.</t> - Man ( who prides himself on his weeds): That's something like a cigar! - Friend: Something like? - Yes; and it's really marvellous to what perfection they bring these imitations. <a>Judy</a> </j>

<j> <t>TIT FOR TAT.</t> - Gus: What do you think, Cissy? I'm going to be married next week. - Cis: Then what do you think, Gus? I shall commence an action for breach against you the following week. - Gus: No. - Cis: Fact! - Gus: By Jove! <a>Fun</a> </j>

<j> <t>WHAT NEXT? </t> - [We hear that the necessary, if not altogether harmless, pin is being automatically supplied in America. Hairpins, needles, cottons, violet powders, &c, will be sure to follow.] - One Man: Going down by the three-thirty? - Other Man: Don't know, old chap. Depends on upon my sisters. They're having a "Penny-in-the-Slot"-titivate. Been 20 minutes at it already. <a>Judy</a> </j>

<j> <t>SHOCKING.</t> - Mrs. Muddlemeanings, with unusual intelligence, wants to know if the cars on the New Electric railway go like lightning? Not quite, but if they did, there are plenty of "conductors" to make everything safe. <a>Moonshine</a> </j>

<j> <t>BAR PRACTICE.</t> - The Lady Book-keeper: And I'd have you to know your place. I'm not a barmaid. - Barmaid: Oh, yes! I know; you're only an ornament! <a>Fun</a> </j>

<j> <t>AN IMPORTANT PERSON.</t> - Is Dr. Jones in town? - Yessir. Have you an appointment? - No; I did not think it necessary. The last time I called I had no appointment, and saw him without any difficulty. - Possibly so, sir. I daresay I wasn't busy that morning! <a>Punch</a> </j>


<j> <t>HIGHWAY RATING: A row in the road. <a>Judy</a> </j>

<j> <t>SOMETHING GONE WRONG.</t> - Can't make out how it is that this clock's taken to losing so frightfully, lately. - Do know, I'm sure, unless the governor's been regulating it. <a>Judy</a> </j>

<j> <t>NOVEL IDEA! </t>- Maudie (pensively, as soon as they are out of church): Happy thought! - Don't let us criticise the sermon. <a>Fun</a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]</t>The best chest preserver: - A lock and key. <a>Moonshine</a> </j>

<j> <t>AN OLD CRY REVIVED</t> (unpalatable to the French painters and patriots): A Berlin! A Berlin! <a>Punch</a> </j>

<j> <t>THE SAXON SUN.</t> - Mick: And, do you know, Par, the professor says the sun rises twenty minutes earlier in London than in Dublin? - Pat: Whirree! Another injustice to Cireland! <a>Ariel</a> </j>

<j> <t>NOVEL NOTE.</t> - "Called 'Bac'"; Baccarat. <a>Funny Folks</a> </j>

<j> <t>A STICKER.</t> - Haw! - have you got a ferrule that'll fit this stick? - No, sir; I don't keep them. - Well, you don't want to keep them, do you? You want to sell them. <a>Fun</a> </j>

<j> <t>A CALICO RING</t> is spoken of as the next financial enterprise. It is time for our company promoters to begin ringing their calico; they have been very busy, of late, washing it. <a>Moonshine</a> </j>

<j> <t>THE HOTEL CELLAR.</t> - She: Yes, vinegar is cheap; I buy a pint bottle for ninepence. But why do you ask? - He: Because they have charged me two-and-sixpence for my small bottle of claret. <a>Judy</a> </j>

<j> <t>SAVORY MORSELS.</t> - Extracts from a sermon by Spurgeon. <a>Funny Folks</a> </j>

<j> <t>GENTLE SPORT.</t> - "What's 'e ketchin' of, Bill?" "Dunno, but I know what 'e aint ketchin'." "What's that?" "Fish!" <a>Ariel</a> </t>

<j> <t>HE'D THOUGHT IT OUT.</t> - Stage Manager: But, my dear boy, you can't wear that dress in the part - the date is distinctly stated to be 1854. - Distinguished Amateur: Oh, but don't you see? I'm supposed to be much older than the other characters, old chap. <a>Fun</a> </j>

<j> <t>A BREAD-AND-BUTTER MISS.</t> - Being too late for tea. <a>Funny Folks</a> </j>

<j> <t>CABBY DOESN'T KNOW HIS MILE.</t> - Unmarried Lady: Now, cabman, don't dispute it. I know the distance is exactly one mile 1890 yards. - Cabby (taking the shilling): You'd make a good wife, you would! <a>Judy</a> </j>

Periodical - Transcription item Item Type Metadata

Periodical Title

Lloyd's Weekly Newspaper

Periodical Frequency

Weekly

Column Title

Jokes of the Day

Gale document number

BC3206275357

Page

7

Year

1891

Date

08/03/1891

Files

Citation

“Lloyd's Weekly Newspaper (London, England), Sunday, March 8, 1891,” Victorian Meme Machine - Transcriptions, accessed January 22, 2018, http://victorianhumour.com/o/items/show/35.

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