Victorian Meme Machine - Transcriptions

Lloyd's Weekly Newspaper (London, England), Sunday, March 15, 1891

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Title

Lloyd's Weekly Newspaper (London, England), Sunday, March 15, 1891

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Transcription

<j> <t> THE FLIGHT OF GENIUS. </t> From the "writter" ! <a> Fun. </a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]</t> SILVANUS : Foxes are scare in my country ; but we manage it with a drag now and then ! - Urbanus : Oh-er-yes. But how do you get it over the fences? <a> Punch. </a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]</t> THE Anti-Parnellites, at Kilrush, have had their band instruments stolen. This deprives them of a sound argument. <a> Moonshine. </a> </j>

<j> <t> A LIGHT THEFT. </t> Stealing a glance. <a> Ariel. </a> </j>

<j> <t> A MARRIAGE MADE IN HEAVEN. </t> The union of two "stars." <a> Ariel. </a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]</t> "MARRIED at the Registrar's." - A sequel to "Without Love or License." <a> Judy. </a> </j>

<j> <t> SOMEBODY BLUNDERED </t> Charlie : I love you passionately, darling. - Dora : Really. How Funny you should think so much of me! - Charlie : Yes; but my tastes always did differ from other people's. <a> Fun. </a> </j>

<j> <t>" CES AUTRES " (HEARD AT CHURCH PARADE). </t> Captain Bergamot : Are any of your brothers in the service , Miss De Bullion? - Miss De Bullion : Yes ; one in the Guards, and -a-(with disgust)-the rest in the common army, you know. <a> Punch. </a> </j>

<j> <t> OUR RAILWAY TRAVELLERS. </t> ("Passengers are particularly requested not to put their feet on the cushions or seats of the carriages.") - Guard : Are you going on, madam? - Facetious Passenger : Sire, you have left something behind. - Gentleman : Oh, Thanks. What? (Hurrying to catch another train.) - Facetious Passenger : The impression of two dirty boots. <a> Moonshine. </a> </j>

<j> <t> A HINT TO PARSONS WHO COVER TOO MUCH GROUND. </t> The Parson : And do i understand, Squire, that you think we parsons ought never to hunt? - The Squire : Never - except, perhaps, on sundays during sermon-time. <a> Ariel. </a> </j>

<j> <t> THE BETTER LAND. </t> Clubland. <a> Ariel. </a> </j>

<j> <t> OBJECTS OF LIFE. </t> The "whole duty of woman" is to see that she does it. <a> Judy. </a> </j>

<j> <t> NOVEL NOMENCLATURE. </t> Tommy (aged four, who has been for a walk with the nursemaid) : Oh, ma, I saw such a big "What's the matter" ! - Ma : Whatever does the child mean, Mary ? - Mary : Please , ma'am, it was only a crowd. <a> Ariel. </a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]</t> We have a suggestion to make to gentlemen about to become insolvent. Before going into the Bankruptcy court, get some sort of engagement upon the stage. The law of debtor and creditor is particularly indulgent to actors. <a> Moonshine. </a> </j>

<j> <t> " ONE MAN ONE VOTE . "</t> Bachelor : All very well, my dear sister, but the great question is, have i got even one vote, and if so, how can i get it ? - Spinster : No, brother. The pressing question is, "Shall not man embrace woman?" <a> Ariel. </a> </j>

<j> <t> A LARGE ORDER. </t> Fashionable Physician : There is only one thing now necessary, my dear madame, to restore you to perfect health - avoid Clay and live on gravel. <a> Fun. </a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]</t> MOTTO for a Church Congregation : Oh, "does not a meeting like this make amen's?" <a> Judy. </a> </j>

<j> <t> WORDS WITHOUT THOUGHT. </t> Snobblins : I wonder, Miss Fairleigh, how Sinclair could so lower himself as to marry a girl like that. For my part i should find it quite impossible to marry beneath me. <a> Ariel. </a> </j>

<j> <t> CASUS BELLI. </t> Miranda : Yes ; That's Lucy Grainger. We used to be great friends, but i got married, and it annoyed her so that she's never spoken to me since, - Amabel : Good gracious ! How Paltry ! - Miranada : Well, you see, my husband was engaged to her when i married him. <a> Fun. </a> </j>

<j> <t> ATHLETICS. </t> It is said that the country council are resolved to forbid the popular feats of raising heavy weights, upon the ground that it may lead to shoplifting. <a> Punch. </a> </j>

<j> <t> A GOOD CARD FOR MANAGERS. </t> The Prince at the Play. <a> Ariel. </a> </j>

<j> <t> OLD FRIENDS. </t> Big Ben : Oh, flattery's the bane of friendship ! Just look at you and me, old man! Why, I've always told you the truth about yourself, however disagreeable ! It's the way i have. And yes we've been fast friends for forty years, and i like you better than any friend i possess ! Indeed you're about the only friend I've got left ! - Little Dick (dreamily) : Ah, but you must remember that I've never told you the truth back again ! <a> Punch. </a> </j>

<j> <t> MAY END IN SMOKE. </t> The Music Hall v. theatre controversy. <a> Ariel. </a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]</t> SPINSTER AUNT (who has just given Reginald a piece of information) : Now, Reginald, there's a wrinkle for you. - Reginald : Is that how you got all yours, Auntie ? <a> Ariel. </a> </j>

<j> <t> ORNITHOLOGY-QUITE ANOTHER TAIL </t> Miss Gusher ( to colonel Bowery Boyes, from "the other side" ) : Ido so love all bird's, quite too awfully much ! but " the " very sweetest and darlingest of all, I think, is a water wagtail? - Colonel B. B. : Waal, no ; can't say I'm particularly born on water wagtails. Guess any day I'd considerably prefer a whisky cocktail. <a> Judy. </a> </j>

<j> <t> NOUVEAU RICHE. </t> Parvenu : Won't you help yourself to vegetables, my lady ? We can guarantee them as we grew them ourselves. - Her Ladyship : Indeed ! and so early in the season ! - Parvenu : - Well, you see, my lady, we have polished off the kitchen garden and now we are eating the greenhouses. <a> Judy. </a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]</t> THE mild modification of their pay list asked by the London Fire Brigade has not yet obtained the favourable attention of the London County council. The "progressive majority." which is Gladstonain to the backbone, has been to much moved by recent events to regard anyone connected with fire escapes in a very friendly spirit. <a> Moonshine. </a> </j>

Periodical - Transcription item Item Type Metadata

Periodical Title

Lloyd's Weekly Newspaper

Periodical Frequency

Weekly

Column Title

Jokes of the Day

Gale document number

BC3206275445

Page

7

Year

1891

Date

15/03/1891

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Citation

“Lloyd's Weekly Newspaper (London, England), Sunday, March 15, 1891,” Victorian Meme Machine - Transcriptions, accessed January 17, 2018, http://victorianhumour.com/o/items/show/36.

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