Victorian Meme Machine - Transcriptions

Lloyd's Weekly Newspaper (London, England), Sunday, April 26, 1891

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Title

Lloyd's Weekly Newspaper (London, England), Sunday, April 26, 1891

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Transcription

<j> <t> EMBARRASSING. </t> (Scene - Afternoon call on the Dean's wife. The Dean had been ill.) - Lady Fitzgivem (sympathetic) : We are so glad, Mrs. Pentecost, to hear that the dear Dean is out of danger now. So wonderful a recovery from such a dreadful illness ! - Young Honourable Fitzgiven (enthusiastic) : Yes, by Jove, Mrs. P, it was only Dr. Brown who could have pulled him out of the fire. <a> Moonshine </a> </j>

<j> <t> WHAT ARTISTS HAVE TO PUT UP WITH. </t> Mr. Monk (editor of comic paper) : Your drawing was late last week, and it wasn't up to much, either. - Artist : I'm awfully sorry, but i couldn't very well help it. I had to attend the funeral of a relative of mine. - Mr. Monk : Huin ! Well, please don't let it happen again. <a> Judy </a> </j>

<j> <t> A WOMAN'S REASON. </t> Clara : Jack intends to have everything his own way when we are married. - Clara's Manna : Then why do you marry him ? - Clara : To relieve his mind of a false impression. <a> Funny Cuts </a> </j>

<j> <t> A FASHIONABLE DRESSMAKER. </t> Lady (to dressmaker who has just brought home dress) : This was promised yesterday, Miss Gusset ; how is it you disappointed me ? - Dressmaker : Well, ma'am, we really couldn't 'eip it. The fact is, ma 'ad her at 'ome yesterday and of course I 'ad to be there ! <a> Ariel </a> </j>

<j> <t> A SPORTSWOMAN. </t> He : Can you see if the favourite is in front ? - She : It's in front at one end, but I don't know which it is. <a> Pick-Me-Up </a> </j>

<j> <t> SEEING IS KNOWING. </t> She : Did you hear the storm in the night ? - He : Can't say I did ; but I have just seen it in evening papers. <a> Judy </a> </j>

<j> <t> UNDERWRITING. </t> She : Shall we invite the De Smythes, dear ? You know they were the means of bringing us together before we were married. He : certainly not. Most objectionable people ! <a> Judy </a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]</t> "But you know, Charlie, Mr. Finance is so deaf he can hardly hear his wife speak." "Dear me. Some men are born to luck." <a> Pick-Me-Up </a> </j>

<j> <t> CHIVALRY AT THE BREAKFAST-TABLE. </t> "Now, cook, just you look here ! Look at that piece of bacon I've just given your mistress ! It's the thickest and worst cut i ever saw in my life ! - and this piece I'm just going to take myself in only a little better ! <a> Punch </a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]</t> SIR JAMES STEPHEN'S successor has lost no time. Mr. Henn Collins is already sitting. <a> Moonshine </a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]< THE London County council contemplates a colossal wind band - and the wind will have to be raised by the rate-payer ! <a> Moonshine </a> </j>

<j> <t> A LAUNDRESSES' League is talked of - a washerwoman's wring. </t> <a> Moonshine </a> </j>

<j> <t> LOVE ENNOBLES. </t> She : Roy, my own Roy, Roy, my king, king of my soul ! - He : Regina. my own Regina, my queen of my heart ! - Tom Peeper (the new page) : Crikey ! I've bin and got among a bloomin' aristocratic lot this time, and no mistake ! <a> Ariel </a> </j>

<j> <t> NOT AN IMPORTANT LOSS. </t> Peter : I lost my head completely last night. - Maude : Indeed ! I don't notice any difference in you. <a> Funny Cuts </a> </j>

<j> <t> HUSBAND AND WIFE. </t> Clitheroe, sen. : It's no easy task to keep a wife ! - Clitheroe, junr. : I know that, father, but I think Alice would stop. <a> Ariel </a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]</t> THE London firemen, we regret to learn, are still waiting for their supply of new boots. At this rate it will be long before they are placed on a better jooting. <a> Funny Folks </a> </j>

<j> <t> BAD SORT OF "SIDE" TO PUT ON </t> Homicide. <a> Funny Folks </a> </j>

<j> <t> THE RULING PASION STRONG IN DEATH. </t> Jones (meeting retired undertaker) : So you have given up business, I hear ? - Retired Undertaker : Yes ; but I superintend a funeral now and then, just for amusement. <a> Judy </a> </j>

<j> <t> TO BE SHOE-ER ! </t> A tradesman advertises that he has a quantity of boots on this hands. How uncomfortable he must be. Why doesn't he go in for gloves like other people ? <a> Judy </a> </j>

<j> <t> LASOUR HONESTUS. </t> Friend : Well, good bye, old fellow. When shall I see you again ? - Mr. Red-tapist : Oh, call in soon at my room's at the sinecure office. But don't come before twelve o'clock, because i never get in until then ;and don't come after two o'clock, because then I always go out for the rest of the day. <a> Ariel </a> </j>

<j> <t> SPARE CASH. </t> A slender income. <a> Funny Folks </a> </j>

<j> <t> LIGHT HEADED. </t> A lucifer match. <a> Funny Folks </a> </j>

<j> <t> THE CALM BEFORE THE STORM. </t> Painter : I thought of calling it, "Dark Night Approacheth." - Very Old Friend : I should call it "Waste of Time." <a> Judy </a> </j>

<j> <t> A GENUINE SURPRISE. </t> She : I'm ready now, Jack. - Jack : Impossible ! Why, only five minutes ago you said you'd be ready in five minutes ! <a> Funny Cuts </a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]</t> SMART new boy in cloak-room has noted gentlemen shutting up their crush hats, and promptly flattens De Jones's best silk topper ! <a>< Punch /a> </j>

<j> <t> CYCLING NOTES. </t> He : Do you belong to the Psychical society ? - She : No ; but I sometimes go out on my brother's machine ! <a> Punch </a> </j>

<j> <t> ANOTHER LAPSUS. </t> Lovely Woman : Just look at this ? It's the best photo's I've ever had taken. All the crudities of features absolutely toned down. - Plain Man : Yes, by jove ! He's a deuced good photographer. - Lovely Woman (bitten) : He is. If I were you, when you have your photo taken I'd go to the same man. <a> Judy </a> </j>

<j> <t> BLOOD-RELATIONS. </t> The Gore family. <a> Funny Folks </a> </j>

<j> <t> ENGAGING PEOPLE. </t> Expectant mistresses at a Servant's Registry Office. <a> Funny Folks </a> </j>

Periodical - Transcription item Item Type Metadata

Periodical Title

Lloyd's Weekly Newspaper

Periodical Frequency

Weekly

Column Title

Jokes of the Day

Gale document number

BC3206275929

Page

7

Year

1891

Date

26/04/1891

Files

Citation

“Lloyd's Weekly Newspaper (London, England), Sunday, April 26, 1891,” Victorian Meme Machine - Transcriptions, accessed April 19, 2018, http://victorianhumour.com/o/items/show/39.

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