Victorian Meme Machine - Transcriptions

Lloyd's Weekly Newspaper (London, England), Sunday, April 26, 1891

Dublin Core


Lloyd's Weekly Newspaper (London, England), Sunday, April 26, 1891



<j> <t> EMBARRASSING. </t> (Scene - Afternoon call on the Dean's wife. The Dean had been ill.) - Lady Fitzgivem (sympathetic) : We are so glad, Mrs. Pentecost, to hear that the dear Dean is out of danger now. So wonderful a recovery from such a dreadful illness ! - Young Honourable Fitzgiven (enthusiastic) : Yes, by Jove, Mrs. P, it was only Dr. Brown who could have pulled him out of the fire. <a> Moonshine </a> </j>

<j> <t> WHAT ARTISTS HAVE TO PUT UP WITH. </t> Mr. Monk (editor of comic paper) : Your drawing was late last week, and it wasn't up to much, either. - Artist : I'm awfully sorry, but i couldn't very well help it. I had to attend the funeral of a relative of mine. - Mr. Monk : Huin ! Well, please don't let it happen again. <a> Judy </a> </j>

<j> <t> A WOMAN'S REASON. </t> Clara : Jack intends to have everything his own way when we are married. - Clara's Manna : Then why do you marry him ? - Clara : To relieve his mind of a false impression. <a> Funny Cuts </a> </j>

<j> <t> A FASHIONABLE DRESSMAKER. </t> Lady (to dressmaker who has just brought home dress) : This was promised yesterday, Miss Gusset ; how is it you disappointed me ? - Dressmaker : Well, ma'am, we really couldn't 'eip it. The fact is, ma 'ad her at 'ome yesterday and of course I 'ad to be there ! <a> Ariel </a> </j>

<j> <t> A SPORTSWOMAN. </t> He : Can you see if the favourite is in front ? - She : It's in front at one end, but I don't know which it is. <a> Pick-Me-Up </a> </j>

<j> <t> SEEING IS KNOWING. </t> She : Did you hear the storm in the night ? - He : Can't say I did ; but I have just seen it in evening papers. <a> Judy </a> </j>

<j> <t> UNDERWRITING. </t> She : Shall we invite the De Smythes, dear ? You know they were the means of bringing us together before we were married. He : certainly not. Most objectionable people ! <a> Judy </a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]</t> "But you know, Charlie, Mr. Finance is so deaf he can hardly hear his wife speak." "Dear me. Some men are born to luck." <a> Pick-Me-Up </a> </j>

<j> <t> CHIVALRY AT THE BREAKFAST-TABLE. </t> "Now, cook, just you look here ! Look at that piece of bacon I've just given your mistress ! It's the thickest and worst cut i ever saw in my life ! - and this piece I'm just going to take myself in only a little better ! <a> Punch </a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]</t> SIR JAMES STEPHEN'S successor has lost no time. Mr. Henn Collins is already sitting. <a> Moonshine </a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]< THE London County council contemplates a colossal wind band - and the wind will have to be raised by the rate-payer ! <a> Moonshine </a> </j>

<j> <t> A LAUNDRESSES' League is talked of - a washerwoman's wring. </t> <a> Moonshine </a> </j>

<j> <t> LOVE ENNOBLES. </t> She : Roy, my own Roy, Roy, my king, king of my soul ! - He : Regina. my own Regina, my queen of my heart ! - Tom Peeper (the new page) : Crikey ! I've bin and got among a bloomin' aristocratic lot this time, and no mistake ! <a> Ariel </a> </j>

<j> <t> NOT AN IMPORTANT LOSS. </t> Peter : I lost my head completely last night. - Maude : Indeed ! I don't notice any difference in you. <a> Funny Cuts </a> </j>

<j> <t> HUSBAND AND WIFE. </t> Clitheroe, sen. : It's no easy task to keep a wife ! - Clitheroe, junr. : I know that, father, but I think Alice would stop. <a> Ariel </a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]</t> THE London firemen, we regret to learn, are still waiting for their supply of new boots. At this rate it will be long before they are placed on a better jooting. <a> Funny Folks </a> </j>

<j> <t> BAD SORT OF "SIDE" TO PUT ON </t> Homicide. <a> Funny Folks </a> </j>

<j> <t> THE RULING PASION STRONG IN DEATH. </t> Jones (meeting retired undertaker) : So you have given up business, I hear ? - Retired Undertaker : Yes ; but I superintend a funeral now and then, just for amusement. <a> Judy </a> </j>

<j> <t> TO BE SHOE-ER ! </t> A tradesman advertises that he has a quantity of boots on this hands. How uncomfortable he must be. Why doesn't he go in for gloves like other people ? <a> Judy </a> </j>

<j> <t> LASOUR HONESTUS. </t> Friend : Well, good bye, old fellow. When shall I see you again ? - Mr. Red-tapist : Oh, call in soon at my room's at the sinecure office. But don't come before twelve o'clock, because i never get in until then ;and don't come after two o'clock, because then I always go out for the rest of the day. <a> Ariel </a> </j>

<j> <t> SPARE CASH. </t> A slender income. <a> Funny Folks </a> </j>

<j> <t> LIGHT HEADED. </t> A lucifer match. <a> Funny Folks </a> </j>

<j> <t> THE CALM BEFORE THE STORM. </t> Painter : I thought of calling it, "Dark Night Approacheth." - Very Old Friend : I should call it "Waste of Time." <a> Judy </a> </j>

<j> <t> A GENUINE SURPRISE. </t> She : I'm ready now, Jack. - Jack : Impossible ! Why, only five minutes ago you said you'd be ready in five minutes ! <a> Funny Cuts </a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]</t> SMART new boy in cloak-room has noted gentlemen shutting up their crush hats, and promptly flattens De Jones's best silk topper ! <a>< Punch /a> </j>

<j> <t> CYCLING NOTES. </t> He : Do you belong to the Psychical society ? - She : No ; but I sometimes go out on my brother's machine ! <a> Punch </a> </j>

<j> <t> ANOTHER LAPSUS. </t> Lovely Woman : Just look at this ? It's the best photo's I've ever had taken. All the crudities of features absolutely toned down. - Plain Man : Yes, by jove ! He's a deuced good photographer. - Lovely Woman (bitten) : He is. If I were you, when you have your photo taken I'd go to the same man. <a> Judy </a> </j>

<j> <t> BLOOD-RELATIONS. </t> The Gore family. <a> Funny Folks </a> </j>

<j> <t> ENGAGING PEOPLE. </t> Expectant mistresses at a Servant's Registry Office. <a> Funny Folks </a> </j>

Periodical - Transcription item Item Type Metadata

Periodical Title

Lloyd's Weekly Newspaper

Periodical Frequency


Column Title

Jokes of the Day

Gale document number










“Lloyd's Weekly Newspaper (London, England), Sunday, April 26, 1891,” Victorian Meme Machine - Transcriptions, accessed July 22, 2018,

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