Victorian Meme Machine - Transcriptions

Lloyd's Weekly Newspaper (London, England), Sunday, May 17, 1891

Dublin Core

Title

Lloyd's Weekly Newspaper (London, England), Sunday, May 17, 1891

Scripto

Transcription

<j> <t> CLERICAL ESTHETICS. </t> Fair Parishioner : And do you like the pulpit, Mr. Auriol ? - The New Curate : I do not. Er - it hides too much of the figure, and I like every shake of the surplice to tell ! <a> Punch </a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]</t> THE COUNTY COUNCIL is not to be allowed to bring a tram line over the Westminster bridge, or to apply its proposed hospital treatment to the Thames embankment. The House of Commons has rejoiced the bill. The County council is an ambitious body, but the new tramway seems to be cut beyond it. <a> Moonshine </a> </j>

<j> <t> THE ETERNAL FITNESS OF THINGS. </t> Son of the House : You're not dancing, Mr. Lambert ! Don't you wish to ? - Mr. Lambert ( who is not so slim as he used to be ) : Certainly - if you can find me a Concave Partner! <a> Punch </a> </j>

<j> <t> SEASONABLE ART. </t> She : There is no doubt that spring is really here at last. - He : Why ? - She : Because the comic artists have begun to put a little vegetation into their back-grounds. <a> Ariel </a> </j>

<j> <t> THE LATEST THING IN SALVATIONS. </t> Oh, you must come to our prayer meeting tonight. We shall have a new attraction, something quite fresh - a converted policeman. <a> Ariel </a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]</t> INDULGENCE in the vice of betting is sure to result in beggary and rags. Why the very headquarters of the devotees is called Tatters Halls. <a> Judy </a> </j>

<j> <t> ADDRESS BOOK. </t> All sempstresses ought to live in Thread-needle-street. All bakers ought to live in Doughty-street. Temperance fanatics ought to live in Bolt-court. <a> Judy </a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]</t> "GENERAL" Booth is stated to be about t go to Mashonaland. Unhappy Mashonaland! But what then becomes of President Kruger's orders that the Boers are to stay at home ? <a> Moonshine </a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]</t> "Is that a fresh aspirant for theatrical honours ?" said Simpson, our low comedian, as he pointed to young Newman, the utility merchant, who had just joined. "I don't know about the 'pirant," said the first old man, who dressed with the callow youth, "but I can answer for the 'ass.'" <a> Fun </a> </j>

<j> <t> MIGHT IS RIGHT. </t> At a Scotch Tenants' Dinner. - 1st Farmer : Hech, mon ; but 'tis grand stuff ; champen, ye ken. - 2nd Farmer : Champen, is't ! Weel, noo, I wudna' 'a' thocht it ; 'tis no sae strange as whusky. <a> Judy </a> </j>

<j> <t> FRAMING AN EXCUSE. </t> Fair Visitor : How sweetly pretty ! I wonder you didn't send it to the Academy. - Rejected Artist : Well, you see, I couldn't get the frame ready in time. <a> Ariel </a> </j>

<j> <t> WORDS WITHOUT THOUGHT. </t> Hostess : We can't thank you enough for your entertainment this evening, Professor Tremor. The celebrated musicians people make such a fuss over. I can't understand - but I like your playing so much ! <a> Ariel </a> </j>

<j> <t> A NAVAL EXHIBITION. </t> Fair Hostess : Well, what do you think of Laura Mayne ? Isn't she sweet ? - Captain Cockle : As sweet as - as sugar ! - Fair Hostess Yes ; powered sugar. Look at your coat ! <a> Judy </a> </j>

<j> <t> MAY POLLS. </t> The current month's elections. <a> Funny Folks </a> </j>

<j> <t> " I AM COMING - COMING - COMING. </t> Lucie : What do you think of this new idea about the coming dress, Janie ? - Janie : Coming dress, my dear ! There's nothing new in it. My dresses are always coming - only they never come. There never was such a tiresome thing as my dressmaker. <a> Fun </a> </j>

<j> <t> A MEAN INSINUATION. </t> Ethel : What did you say to George when he proposed ? - Maud : I asked for time to consider ; it was so unexpected, you know. - Ethel : It always is, after one has given up all hope. <a> Funny Cuts. </a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]</t> THE scientists say that the acid product of the gas combustion is producing a deleterious effect on the wooden roof of Westminster hall. We are continually pointing out that there is too much gas about the House. <a> Moonshine. </a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]</t> MATTHEW SALEM ( who has just announced the fact of his approaching marriage ) : You see I mustn't delay much longer, I'm getting an old man. - Jollyboy : And so you want to get an old woman too ! <a> Ariel </a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]</t> THE latest fad is to use the bell of the arum lily as a cup for ices. This is decidedly arum go. <a> Moonshine. </a> </j>

<j> <t> PROMOTION WITHOUT MERIT. </t> Company promotion. <a> Ariel </a> </j>

<j> <t> A LATE SPRING </t> Last Year's <a> Funny Folks </a> </j>

<j> <t> Cigar "Cutters" </t> Non-smokers. <a> Funny Folks </a> </j>

<j> <t> "CHECK TO HIM" </t> I-haw- want a summer suit to measure. - Check, sir ? - What the deuce do you mean ? - Do you imagine I'm such a fool as to give you a cheque before I've got my clothes ? [Exit, disgusted.] <a> Fun </a> </j>

<j> <t> WIDE AWAKE. </t> He : Deign to accept this flower as a token of my love. - She : Oh, bother that ! Buy the engagement ring right straight off, and then I shall know you mean business. <a> Funny Cuts </a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]</t> MRS. YOUNG WIFE : Now. mind, Bridget, I shall be down myself by seven. - Bridget (cheerfully) : All right, mem ; I shan't be long afther you. <a> Moonshine </a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]</t> IN Russia a Jew is presented with fifteen roubles on joining the Orthodox church. This is certainly exercising un-Jew influence. <a> Moonshine </a> </j>

<j> <t> DISCOUNTING TIME. </t> How old it baby ? - Oh, he's a year - all but about seven months. <a> Fun </a> </j>

<j> <t> NEAR ENOUGH ! </t> Mistress : And how do you like the new house, Mrs. Whiffin ? - Weekly Char : Oh, it's very nice, mum ! It's so 'andy avin' the bathroom contageous to the bedroom, I think." <a> Judy </a> </j>

<j> <t> THE CABMEN'S STRIKE. </t> A whip. <a> Moonshine. </a> </j>

<j> <t> IN THE CLOUDS </t> Skied Academy Exhibitors. <a> Funny Folks </a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]</t> A "TIP" STAFF : The prophetic correspondents of a sporting paper. <a> Judy </a> </j>

Periodical - Transcription item Item Type Metadata

Periodical Title

Lloyd's Weekly Newspaper

Periodical Frequency

Weekly

Column Title

Jokes of the Day

Gale document number

BC3206276190

Page

7

Year

1891

Date

17/05/1891

Files

Citation

“Lloyd's Weekly Newspaper (London, England), Sunday, May 17, 1891,” Victorian Meme Machine - Transcriptions, accessed May 25, 2018, http://victorianhumour.com/o/items/show/42.

Transcribe This Item

  1. Lloyd's Weekly Newspaper (London, England), Sunday, May 17, 1891.jpg