Victorian Meme Machine - Transcriptions

Lloyd's Weekly Newspaper (London, England), Sunday, May 31, 1891

Dublin Core

Title

Lloyd's Weekly Newspaper (London, England), Sunday, May 31, 1891

Scripto

Transcription

<j> <t> A RARE CHANGE. </t> - Mr. Snobbin hiring a hack to ride down to the Derby. - Horse-owner : I'll charge you thirty bob for the day, Guv'nor ; or-look here ! - gimme two pound, and you may keep him. <a>Punch</a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]</t> The movement against the unrestricted in-portation of foreign papers is, we are pleased to see, gaining ground. Why should the continent send us its superflous poor ? Have we not enough of our own ? It pleases our "amour propre" that old England should be called the asylum of the world ; but it is our-selves alone who ought to be in it. <a>Moonshine</a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]</t> A Paris paper, which knows no better, says that John L. Sullivan is a son of the composer "Ivanhoe". Possibly the next ring in which John L. makes a hit will be formed of, "The Lost Chord". <a>Moonshine</a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]</t> Client (in lawyer's office) : I desire to speak with the principal. - Clerk : "Tend to directly, sir-just take a chair for a minute,- Client (haughtily) : Do you know whom you are addressing sir ? I am Lord Montaltamont - Clerk : A thousand pardons my lord. Take two chairs, i beg of you. <a>Pick-Me-Up</a> </j> <j> <t>THE RISING GENERATION.</t> - Irate Father : I never gave my father impudence when i was a boy. - Son : Maybe your father didn't need it. <a>Funny Cuts</a> </j>

<j> <t>ETIQUETTE IN EXCELSIS.</t> - Lady Sarah Stilton : Who is that man at whom you looked so hard ? - Lady Cecilia Songazus : The one who pulled me out of the water after our spill last Henley. _ Lady S. S. : My dear, we haven't been introduced !. <a>Fun</a> </j>

<j> <t>A TOLERABLE GRACE.</t> - The after-dinner one. <a>Fun</a> </j>

<j> <t>JUST IN TIME ; Or, HOW IT'S DONE.</t> - Scene - An auction room. - Oh, Edwin, dear, I do so want to buy this lovely picture of cherubs. They are going to knock it down cheap ; and it is believed to be a real Sir Joshua Reynolds ! - Rubbish Angelina, what put that into your head ? I was told it-in confidence, of course-by the auctioneer himself. <a>Judy</a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]</t> Some of the fastest men in the world are slow at paying their rent. <a>Funny Cuts</a> </j>

<j> <t>SHAKSPERE REVISED.</t> - The modern Othelio (after his travels) : She loved him for the lies he told, and he loved her for believing him. <a>Funny Cuts</a> </j>

<j> <t>A SUGGESTION.</t> The London County Council want a coat of arms. - "Press". Wanted a coat of arms to suit the L.C.C. Such coat of arms must be designed with due propriety. An eager nose to poke into each private pie ; A blinded eye, a deafened ear, opinion to defy. Its colour must be red to symbolise the blush that paints the council as they plan each music -hall to crush. Supporters on each side to hold the arms on high. Two female figures "draped". (N.B. - Zero need not apply.) <a>Moonshine</a> </j>

<j> <t>NO ANOMALY.</t> - His latest girl : -But if she'd have you, why on earth didn't you marry her ! Didn't you like her ? Yes ; but it's just the girls i like that there's so deuced little in, don'tcher -know ? <a>Judy</a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]</t> What young men like and old men don't. - the coming of age. <a>Fun</a> </j>

<j> <t>FALLING INTO THE PIT.</t> - Incumbent (up for the May meetings, to Curate, evidently up for the same purpose) : I thought the vicar spoke to the point last night. - Curate (who has dropped in to see "Olivia") : Yes, capital bit of acting ; pit crammed. <a>Moonshine</a> </j>

<j> <t>THE DERBY FAVOURITE.</t> - Queen Victoria. <a>Ariel</a> </j>

<j> <t>SHORT COMMONS.</t> - The Lower House thinning daily. <a>Ariel</a> </j>

<j> <t>AN OLD FASHIONED BUFFER ON BALFOUR'S BILL.</t> State-aided purchase ? That sounds mighty well, I look on it as a State-aided Sell. <a>Punch</a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]</t> Mrs. Cluppins was in the wrong boat. Her passage was taken for Putney, and she had boarded the outward bound Greenwich packet. The engines had already effected several revolutions, when she discovered her mistake. She made one bold dash for the shore, but fell short, and glided gently down the stream. Ah remarked the weather -beaten commodore, as he paced the bridge, some people never know when they're well off. <a>Fun</a> </j>

<j> <t>THE MAY NOT QUEEN.</t> - Natalie. <a>Ariel</a> </j>

<j> <t>THE WAY OF A MAN WITH A MAID.</t> - He : You wish you had a sister ? So do i wish you had a sister - the very image of yourself in "everything" ! - She : Why ? - He : Because i should adore your sister ! - She : After all, I'm not quite certain that i wish i had a sister. <a>Fun</a> </j>

<j> <t>THE REASON WOMEN ARE SUCH PHILOSOPHERS.</t> - Because they are so devoted to their own reflections. <a>Funny Folks</a> </j> <j> <t>A SAD WASTE OF CHLOROPHYL.</t> - Born to blush unseen. <a>Judy</a> </j>

<j> <t>THE CAUSE</t> - Winter (to Spring) : Back again ? Yes ; but i can't help it. You and the other two would have a lady clerk of the weather, and the other day she bought an otter mantle, a bargain. <a>Judy</a> </j> <j> <t>THE MEDICI COLLAR.</t> - Descriptive Visitor : Yes, my dears, and she wore one of those high collars such as the Venus de Medici used to wear. <a>Ariel</a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]</t> Emerald Green, blended with jet, is the fashion for ladies this season, quite appropriate for jewellery. <a>Moonshine</a> </j>

<j> <t>AN UNSATISFACTORY MEAL</t> - A domestic broil. <a>Judy</a> </j>

<j> <t>ENGLISH AS SHE IS SPOKE. </t> - Caller : And how is your master, this morning ? - Cockney Servant : Oh, he is getting on to die. (It took some time before the alarmed visitor understood that to die is Cockneyese for to-day). <a>Ariel</a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]</t> All stockbrokers ought to live in the bay of Fund-y. <a>Judy</a> </j>

<j> <t>A DERBY DANCE.</t> - The preliminary gallop. <a>Judy</a> </j>

Periodical - Transcription item Item Type Metadata

Periodical Title

Lloyd's Weekly Newspaper

Periodical Frequency

Weekly

Column Title

Jokes of the Day

Gale document number

BC3206276348

Page

7

Year

1891

Date

31/05/1891

Files

Citation

“Lloyd's Weekly Newspaper (London, England), Sunday, May 31, 1891,” Victorian Meme Machine - Transcriptions, accessed February 17, 2018, http://victorianhumour.com/o/items/show/43.

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