Victorian Meme Machine - Transcriptions

Lloyd's Weekly Newspaper (London, England), Sunday, June 28, 1891

Dublin Core

Title

Lloyd's Weekly Newspaper (London, England), Sunday, June 28, 1891

Scripto

Transcription

<J> <t> " AS EASY AS A B C. "</t> Witness of the Labour Commission ( under examination ) : Yes ; I think that employers should be forced by law to give in to their men. Question : But should this lead to bankruptcy, what then ? Witness : Bankruptcy should be legally abolished. Question : Should employers have no money to pay the employed ? Witness : That duty should be discharged by the Government. Question : But how should the loss be supplied - by the imposition of new taxes ? Witness : Certainly not. Taxation should be entirely abolished. Question : Then how could you scheme be carried out ? Witness ( courteously ) : That's a matter I leave entirely to the discretion of the Government. <a> Punch </a> </j>

<J> <t> DOUBLE EVENT. </t> Twins. <a> Judy </a> </j>

<J> <t> SHORT COMMONS. </t> You don't mean to say you've dined ? - I have, really ; upon my honour ! - What a scanty meal you must have had. <a> Judy </a> </j>

<J> <t>[Untitled]</t> It is the fashion for ladies' skirts to be about four inches on the ground at the back. We should think it must be rather irritating to the wearers to have their trains always under a foot. <a> Moonshine </a> </j>

<J> <t> SHAKESPERE ON THE MASSAGE TREATMENT. </t> " There's the rub. " <a> Moonshine </a> </j>

<J> <t> AVERTING A CALAMITY. </t> Father : Your conduct is coming unbearable. I have a good mind to strike your name off my will. - Son : Don't, father, don't ! As a large employer of labour, you know that no good ever comes of a strike ! <a> Pick-Me-Up </a> </j>

<J> <t> A STERN REALITY. </t> A rudder. <a> Fun </a> </j>

<J> <t> KNOWING CARDS. </t> The Knaves. <a> Funny Folks </a> </j>

<J> <t> WANTED THIS SUMMER, BUT NOT TO BE GOT. </t> A STRAW hat that doesn't turn a man into a guy. A hot day when you get on your white suit, and a cool night when you must wear our broadcloths. A drink that doesn't make you want another. A soup that doesn't make you feel as though you were in a Turkish bath. A new way to pay old debts. Some shad without bones. A summer hotel where the homely girls refuse to dance. A moonlight ride, with a moon. Am umbrella that will come out of your house and find you during a shower. <a> Funny Cuts </a> </j>

<J> <t> THEATRICAL NOTE. </t> A " Walking Gentleman " : A strolling player. <a> Funny Folks </a> </j>

<J> <t> THE EGOISM OF GENIUS. </t> Fond mother : Don't you want to see the evening papers, Mortimer ? - Minimus Poet : Why, is there anything about me in them ? - Fond Mother : Not that I know of, daring. - Minimus Poet ( pettishly ) : Good heavens, mother, then what on earth should I want to see them for ? <a> Punch </a> </j>

<J> <t> SUMMER NUMB-ERS. </t> Strawberry ices. <a> Funny Folks </a> </j>

<J> <t>[Untitled]</t> VERDICTS in celebrated cases, especially where a woman is concerned, are becoming so supremely ridiculous that it is almost as great a trial of patience, nowadays, to read the decision of a jury as it is to be summoned upon one. <a> Moonshine </a> </j>

<J> <t> WEIGHTS AND MEASURES. </t> Now, Dorothy, can you tell me the time ? - Oh, yes, auntie ! - Well, what time is it ? - Oh ! it's- it's - let me see - oh ! it's about an inch and a half past eleven ! <a> Fun </a> </j>

<J> <t> Query. </t> Is the Anti-tight bill, in American a temperance motion ? <a> Moonshine </a> </j>

<J> <t>[Untitled]</t> SOME people are so thoroughly wedded to gambling and betting that, failing anything else, they will bace-a-rat. <a> Judy </a> </j>

<J> <t> FLOATING CAPITAL. </t> The Royal Sovereign. <a> Funny Folks. </a> </j>

<J> <t> UNFORTUNATE REMARKS. </t> Little Tommy Malapert ( hearing a ring at the bell during Lady Malapert's evening at- home, alluding to her ladyship's private work for visitors ) : More Fenians, mamma ! [ A fact. ] <a> Moonshine </a> </j>

<J> <t> A SMART EVASION. </t> She : Why do you always keep staring at all the young ladies when we go out together, Charlie ? - He : Oh, it's only because it makes me think how much more beautiful you are than all the other girls ! She : Oh ! <a> Pick-Me-Up </a> </j>

<J> <t> WHAT COULD HE MEAN ? </t> Mrs. Fitz : What a dear, gentle, little thing is that second wife go Tomkins' ! Do you know, she goes once a week to put flowers on the grave of the first Mrs. T. ! - Mr. Fitz : I call that something like ! Now, you'd never do the same if I married again. <a> Judy </a> </j>

<J> <t>[Untitled]</t> IN Samoa it appears to be the custom to decorate brides by a liberal tattooing. In England the custom is reversed, for at weddings it is always the bridegroom who is the marked man. <a> Moonshine </a> </j>

<J> <t> APPROPRIATE CHURCH FOR A WEDDING CEREMONY. </t> St. Bride's <a> Funny Folks </a> </j>

<J> <t>[Untitled]</t> THE individual who " Died o' laughing " was subsequently buries in thought. <a> Judy </a> </j>

Periodical - Transcription item Item Type Metadata

Periodical Title

Lloyd's Weekly Newspaper

Periodical Frequency

Weekly

Column Title

Jokes of the Day

Gale document number

BC3206276648

Page

7

Year

1891

Date

28/06/1891

Files

Citation

“Lloyd's Weekly Newspaper (London, England), Sunday, June 28, 1891,” Victorian Meme Machine - Transcriptions, accessed May 25, 2018, http://victorianhumour.com/o/items/show/46.

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