Victorian Meme Machine - Transcriptions

Lloyd's Weekly Newspaper (London, England), Sunday, August 30, 1891

Dublin Core


Lloyd's Weekly Newspaper (London, England), Sunday, August 30, 1891



<j> <t> " PUGS " AND " MUGS. "</t> ( A Quotation with a Comment. ) " The faithful study of the fistic art

From mawkish softness guards the British heart. "

The study of the betting British curse From sweet depletion guards the British purse ! <a> Punch </a> </j>

<j> <t> ODDS AND ENDS. </t> Whatever you are doing, always adjust the means to the end. Never cut cheese with a razor ; never shoot rubbish with a cannon. Self-help is an excellent thing ; but you should not help yourself first at your own dinner parties. An invalid who is suffering from " grave complications " cannot be very far distant from the tomb. Every man has his price ; but there are some men whom you never can get any change out of. <a> Judy </a> </j>

<j> <t> A SMART HIT. </t> Miss Jane ( to new member of the Tennis club ) : Oh, then you are a complete novice, Mr. Wagling. - Mr. W. : Er - what makes you say that, Miss Jane ? You've not seen me play yet. - Miss J. : No ; but when you trotted out that little joke about girls going out to service, I saw at once that you were new to the game. <a> Fun </a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]</t> MR. C. S. PARNELL is pronounced a remarkable judge of furniture. As far as a chair goes we can easily understand this, as he has had considerable experience in being sat on. <a> Moonshine </a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]</t> NEWS from America states a collision has taken place in Egg harbour. " Twelve were injured, two fatally. " Poor little chicks ! <a>< Moonshine /a> </j>

<j> <t> A CASE OF FRENCH LEAVE. </t> The Gallic fleet has gone to Cherbourg - as if they had not had enough " cheers " before leaving England ! <a> Punch </a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]</t> WHY is a ship described as she ? - Because she's always on the look out for the buoys. <a> Funny Folks </a> </j>

<j> <t> AT THE SAME OLD GAME. </t> Guns popping at last year's birds. <a> Funny Folks </a> </j>

<j> <t> DIFFERENCE OF OPINION. </t> Jones ( reading aloud ) : A true, good, noble woman is ever ready to make herself a door-mat for the man she loves ! . . . . Ah, Dolly, those are the women who make the best wives ! - Mrs. J. ( who is not of this type ) : Yes, dear - and the worst husbands ! <a> Punch </a> </j>

<j> <t> SPEED THE PARTING GUEST. </t> Angelina : Edwin, dear, mamma's going ( sotto voce ) . Do say something to her - pleasantly, you know. - Edwin : My darling, you know I always say " Good-bye " to your mother most pleasantly. [ And Mamma overheard it. ] <a> Fun </a> </j>

<j> <t> THE GREAT STICK QUESTION. </t> Swell : Haw - but I can't get it into my mouth, don't you know ! - Shopman : Oh, they're not sucking sticks in good society now - they simply carry them by the ferrule. <a> Funny Folks </a> </j>

<j> <t> A DIRTY TRICK. </t> Uncle : What do you want to catch a fly for, Tommy ? - Tommy : Oh, nothing. Sister has just made herself a glass of lemonade, and I'm awful dry. <a> Pick-Me-Up </a> </j>

<j> <t> HE NEVER MIXED. </t> Wha's grave's this, Jock ? - Aw ! weel, jist dig doon tull ye come to watter, an' we'll pit 'm in that. He hadna' his fair share in life, ye ken. <a> Judy </a> </j>

<j> <t> JOKE EX-STRAW-DINARY. </t> She, Why do men wear straw hats in summer ? - He : Because they aren't felt. <a> Judy </a> </j>

<j> <t> THE HEIGHT OF FASTIDIOUSNESS. </t> Elder Brother : Hullo, Frank ! How is it you're not in mourning for poor aunt Grace ? - Frank : Ah-well-fact is, I tried on 16 or 17 hat-bands, and couldn't get one to suit me ! <a> Punch </a> </j>

<j> <t> HINT TO NATIONS. </t> How to get France to kiss your feet : Wear Russia leather boots. <a> Funny Folks </a> </j>

<j> <t> STRANGE, BUT TRUE. </t> Innocent Young Wife L It is very strange, George, but whenever you bring that dog out with you, he always runs into Green Man ; one would think he knew the house. <a> Fun </a> </j>

<j> <t> ONLY A NAME. </t> Lillie, Say, Gertie, who is Lucifer ? - Gertie : Lucifer, Lucifer ! Oh yes, I know. He's the manufacture of a certain sort of matches. <a> Pick-Me-Up </a> </j>

<j> <t> AN INFALLIBLE RECIPE. </t> What to do to obtain white hands. - Nothing. <a> Judy </a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]</t> THE Roman Catholic Temperance society - the League of the Cross - lost an unusual number of watches during their fete at the Crystal Palace. We are sorry for them, but why did they not leave their watches at home ? t would have made no difference on the Chatham and Dover. <a> Moonshine </a> </j>

<j> <t> UNFORTUNATE REMARKS. </t> Edwin ( mashed ) : What makes you shiver like that ? - Eva : Oh, I suppose there's a goose walking over my grave. - Edwin ( after a pause ) : Happy goose ! <a> Moonshine </a> </j>

<j> <t> MAMMA AGAIN ! </t> Tommy : Papa, what part of speech is " woman " ? - Papa : " Woman " is no part of speech at all, my son. She is the whole of it. <a> Judy </a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]</t> A STRANGE BIRD : The Flying Squadron. <a> Judy </a> </j>

Periodical - Transcription item Item Type Metadata

Periodical Title

Lloyd's Weekly Newspaper

Periodical Frequency


Column Title

Jokes of the Day

Gale document number










“Lloyd's Weekly Newspaper (London, England), Sunday, August 30, 1891,” Victorian Meme Machine - Transcriptions, accessed March 23, 2018,

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