Victorian Meme Machine - Transcriptions

Lloyd's Weekly Newspaper (London, England), Sunday, August 30, 1891

Dublin Core

Title

Lloyd's Weekly Newspaper (London, England), Sunday, August 30, 1891

Scripto

Transcription

<j> <t> " PUGS " AND " MUGS. "</t> ( A Quotation with a Comment. ) " The faithful study of the fistic art

From mawkish softness guards the British heart. "

The study of the betting British curse From sweet depletion guards the British purse ! <a> Punch </a> </j>

<j> <t> ODDS AND ENDS. </t> Whatever you are doing, always adjust the means to the end. Never cut cheese with a razor ; never shoot rubbish with a cannon. Self-help is an excellent thing ; but you should not help yourself first at your own dinner parties. An invalid who is suffering from " grave complications " cannot be very far distant from the tomb. Every man has his price ; but there are some men whom you never can get any change out of. <a> Judy </a> </j>

<j> <t> A SMART HIT. </t> Miss Jane ( to new member of the Tennis club ) : Oh, then you are a complete novice, Mr. Wagling. - Mr. W. : Er - what makes you say that, Miss Jane ? You've not seen me play yet. - Miss J. : No ; but when you trotted out that little joke about girls going out to service, I saw at once that you were new to the game. <a> Fun </a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]</t> MR. C. S. PARNELL is pronounced a remarkable judge of furniture. As far as a chair goes we can easily understand this, as he has had considerable experience in being sat on. <a> Moonshine </a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]</t> NEWS from America states a collision has taken place in Egg harbour. " Twelve were injured, two fatally. " Poor little chicks ! <a>< Moonshine /a> </j>

<j> <t> A CASE OF FRENCH LEAVE. </t> The Gallic fleet has gone to Cherbourg - as if they had not had enough " cheers " before leaving England ! <a> Punch </a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]</t> WHY is a ship described as she ? - Because she's always on the look out for the buoys. <a> Funny Folks </a> </j>

<j> <t> AT THE SAME OLD GAME. </t> Guns popping at last year's birds. <a> Funny Folks </a> </j>

<j> <t> DIFFERENCE OF OPINION. </t> Jones ( reading aloud ) : A true, good, noble woman is ever ready to make herself a door-mat for the man she loves ! . . . . Ah, Dolly, those are the women who make the best wives ! - Mrs. J. ( who is not of this type ) : Yes, dear - and the worst husbands ! <a> Punch </a> </j>

<j> <t> SPEED THE PARTING GUEST. </t> Angelina : Edwin, dear, mamma's going ( sotto voce ) . Do say something to her - pleasantly, you know. - Edwin : My darling, you know I always say " Good-bye " to your mother most pleasantly. [ And Mamma overheard it. ] <a> Fun </a> </j>

<j> <t> THE GREAT STICK QUESTION. </t> Swell : Haw - but I can't get it into my mouth, don't you know ! - Shopman : Oh, they're not sucking sticks in good society now - they simply carry them by the ferrule. <a> Funny Folks </a> </j>

<j> <t> A DIRTY TRICK. </t> Uncle : What do you want to catch a fly for, Tommy ? - Tommy : Oh, nothing. Sister has just made herself a glass of lemonade, and I'm awful dry. <a> Pick-Me-Up </a> </j>

<j> <t> HE NEVER MIXED. </t> Wha's grave's this, Jock ? - Aw ! weel, jist dig doon tull ye come to watter, an' we'll pit 'm in that. He hadna' his fair share in life, ye ken. <a> Judy </a> </j>

<j> <t> JOKE EX-STRAW-DINARY. </t> She, Why do men wear straw hats in summer ? - He : Because they aren't felt. <a> Judy </a> </j>

<j> <t> THE HEIGHT OF FASTIDIOUSNESS. </t> Elder Brother : Hullo, Frank ! How is it you're not in mourning for poor aunt Grace ? - Frank : Ah-well-fact is, I tried on 16 or 17 hat-bands, and couldn't get one to suit me ! <a> Punch </a> </j>

<j> <t> HINT TO NATIONS. </t> How to get France to kiss your feet : Wear Russia leather boots. <a> Funny Folks </a> </j>

<j> <t> STRANGE, BUT TRUE. </t> Innocent Young Wife L It is very strange, George, but whenever you bring that dog out with you, he always runs into Green Man ; one would think he knew the house. <a> Fun </a> </j>

<j> <t> ONLY A NAME. </t> Lillie, Say, Gertie, who is Lucifer ? - Gertie : Lucifer, Lucifer ! Oh yes, I know. He's the manufacture of a certain sort of matches. <a> Pick-Me-Up </a> </j>

<j> <t> AN INFALLIBLE RECIPE. </t> What to do to obtain white hands. - Nothing. <a> Judy </a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]</t> THE Roman Catholic Temperance society - the League of the Cross - lost an unusual number of watches during their fete at the Crystal Palace. We are sorry for them, but why did they not leave their watches at home ? t would have made no difference on the Chatham and Dover. <a> Moonshine </a> </j>

<j> <t> UNFORTUNATE REMARKS. </t> Edwin ( mashed ) : What makes you shiver like that ? - Eva : Oh, I suppose there's a goose walking over my grave. - Edwin ( after a pause ) : Happy goose ! <a> Moonshine </a> </j>

<j> <t> MAMMA AGAIN ! </t> Tommy : Papa, what part of speech is " woman " ? - Papa : " Woman " is no part of speech at all, my son. She is the whole of it. <a> Judy </a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]</t> A STRANGE BIRD : The Flying Squadron. <a> Judy </a> </j>

Periodical - Transcription item Item Type Metadata

Periodical Title

Lloyd's Weekly Newspaper

Periodical Frequency

Weekly

Column Title

Jokes of the Day

Gale document number

BC3206277362

Page

7

Year

1891

Date

30/08/1891

Files

Citation

“Lloyd's Weekly Newspaper (London, England), Sunday, August 30, 1891,” Victorian Meme Machine - Transcriptions, accessed June 25, 2018, http://victorianhumour.com/o/items/show/53.

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