Victorian Meme Machine - Transcriptions

Lloyd's Weekly Newspaper (London, England), Sunday, September 6, 1891

Dublin Core

Title

Lloyd's Weekly Newspaper (London, England), Sunday, September 6, 1891

Scripto

Transcription

<j> <t> A FAMILY COMPLAINT. </t> Energetic Man : Tom, you're the laziest man I ever saw. You're always leaning on a gate ! - Lazy Man : I don't think I'm lazy. I left my brother at home, be said he was too tired to lean on a gate ! <a> Fun </a> </j>

<j> <t>< ROMANCE AND REALITY. - A SEASIDE STUDY. /t> Romantic Damsel : Oh, Algy, if I were only clinging to that rock in despair, and you - you drenched to the skin, with your manly arm rescuing me, wouldn't it be lovely ? ( Algy, who is enjoying a first rate cigar, and hasn't a very manly arm, prefers the present state of affairs. ) <a> Moonshine </a> </j>

<j> <t> FLIMSY PRETENCES : </t> Forged bank-notes. <a> Judy </a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]</t> PHYSICIAN : Open your mouth and swallow he medicine down. - Boy ( aged six years ) : I don't want to. - Physician : Why not ? - Boy : boo hoo ! Cause I don't want to die. <a> Pick-Me-Up </a> </j>

<j> <t> FORBIDDING THE " BANDS ". </t> The disturbances every Sunday at Eastbourne. <a> Funny Folks </a> </j>

<j> <t> A FRIEND IN NEED. </t> An impecunious acquaintance. <a> Funny Folks </a> </j>

<j> <t> NAME FOR A CERTAIN SECTION OF THE ILLUSTRATED PRESS. </t> The nude journalism. <a></a> </j>

<j> <t> FULL INSIDE. </t> " Tommy, could you eat another bun ? " - " No, thank you. " - " Well, put one in your pocket, then. " - " Couldn't get it in. My pocket fits so tight. " <a> Ariel </a> </j>

<j> <t> PRELIMINARY EXAMINATION T SCHOOL FOR OXFORD LOCALS ( JUNIOR ). </t> Master : And what did the signing of Magna Charta prove ? - Lad : That King John knew how to write sir. <a> Moonshine </a> </j>

<j> <t> A VICTIM OF CIRCUMSTANCE. </t> Phyllis : then you don't like the country so well as town ? - Lysander : No, can't say I do ; but it would never do to be seen in town this time of year, y'know. <a> Fun </a> </j>

<j> <t> UNATTRACTIVE COMBINATION. </t> If a young woman is fast, " and uncommonly ugly, wouldn't she make a great mistake were she to combine the two qualities, and be " fastidious ? " <a> Punch </a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]</t> FATHER : What are you reading, Maud ? - Maud : " Marie Corelli. " - Father : Marry a gorilla ! Well, well, what nonsense they do write since Stanley's come back ! <a> Ariel </a> </j>

<j> <t> A QUICK MARCH. </t> An expres(s) train. <a> Fun </a> </j>

<j> <t> GETTING IT HOT. </t> The folk who are indulging in the Chill pickle. <a> Funny Folks </a> </j>

<j> <t> WAS IT A COMPLIMENT ? </t> He : What's the matter, Alice ; have I offended you ? - She : Oh, no ! these are tears of joy. Only last evening mamma was saying not even an idiot would marry me and now you have asked me for my hand. <a> Funny Cuts </a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]</t> MR. STANLEY is about again. He has been making speeches in Paris. The best thing that Mr. Stanley could do now would be to go to Africa and try to discover the nobleman who was once Lord Randolph Churchill - on the express condition that he would not bring him back. <a> Moonshine </a> </j>

<j> <t> SEWING HER UP. </t> Look here, Master Peggy ! Can you tell me why it is that your father is bald, and yet your grandfather has got a lot of hair on his head ? - I expect gran'pa had one grass seed thrown down when he was younger. <a> Judy </a> </j>

<j> <t> HIS FIRST VIEW OF THE NEW BABY. </t> Nurse : Well, Charley, what do you think of it ? - Charles : Well, I think it's going to be a girl. <a> Funny Cuts </a> </j>

<j> <t> HUSBAND AND WIFE. </t> She : It's always the way, now. You go out again and leave me all alone. - He : No, my dear. You and your tongue are the most lively company imaginable. <a> Pick-Me-Up </a> </j>

<j> <t> AN ALARMING CHARGE. </t> Magistrate : What is the prisoner charged with, officer ? - P. C. Driscoll : Breaking into dwelling houses and stealing patent infallible burglar alarms, your worship. <a> Funny Folks </a> </j>

<j> <t> " THE OTHER END OF THE STICK. " </t> Mr, Hardboss ( on the arrival of his clerk at 9.30 a.m. ) : This is really too bad, Mr. Sorawl. You have been late every day this week. - Clerk : Yes, sir, it is very hard lines indeed. I have not once landed home before supper time. Still, while we are so busy, I don't mind it. - ( Mr. Hardboss dries up ) <a> Pick-Me-Up </a> </j>

Periodical - Transcription item Item Type Metadata

Periodical Title

Lloyd's Weekly Newspaper

Periodical Frequency

Weekly

Column Title

Jokes of the Day

Gale document number

BC3206277449

Page

7

Year

1891

Date

06/09/1891

Files

Citation

“Lloyd's Weekly Newspaper (London, England), Sunday, September 6, 1891,” Victorian Meme Machine - Transcriptions, accessed April 25, 2018, http://victorianhumour.com/o/items/show/54.

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