Victorian Meme Machine - Transcriptions

Lloyd's Weekly Newspaper (London, England), Sunday, December 6, 1891

Dublin Core

Title

Lloyd's Weekly Newspaper (London, England), Sunday, December 6, 1891

Scripto

Transcription

<j> <t> MOTTO FOR MILLINERS </t> A bird in the hat is worth two in the bush <a> Judy </a> </j>

<j> <t> THE OLD DISPUTE SETTLED </t> - Bridegroom (after the ceremony) : Maud, you and i are one now. it only remains to be decided which is the one, I tried to win you, didn't I? - Bride : Yes, Harold. - And I won. That seems to settle it. - Not quite, Harold. You tried to win me. You succeeded. Then you are the winner, are you not? - Yes, dear. And i'm the won. <a> Funny Cuts </a> </j>

<j> <t> A GOOD HIT </t> - She: Cupid is not in it as a marksman, goosey. - He: Why, not, angel? - She: He's always making "Mrs." <a> Funny Folks </a> </j>

<j> <t> SENILE FELINE AMENITIES </t> - Well, good afternoon - I'm going to call on my mother! - What! you don't mean to say you've got a mother living? - Oh, yes - and she don't look a bit older than you do - i assure you. <a> Punch </a> </j>

<j> <t> SHORTLY TO APPEAR </t> - A Morning Without Boots, by the author of A Knight Without Spurs. <a> Punch </a> </j>

<j> <t> AND NOTHING MORE </t> - Tinkle: Is that woman a friend of yours? - Wrinkle: No, merely a speaking acquaintance - Tinkle: Who is she? - Wrinkle: My wife <a> Funny Cuts </a> </j>

<j> <t> THE SCORE </t> - Will you write me some lyrics to my music? - Oh, my dear girl! I haven't the time. Besides - ha, ha! - you're not Sir Arthur Sullivan, you know. If you were I might. - If I were Sir Arthur Sullivan I wouldn't come to you for lyrics <a> Judy </a> </j>

<j> <t> A MAN OF FEELING/t> The Phrenologist <a> Ariel </a> </j>

<j> <t> THE LAST ROSE OF SUMMER </t> Cabbage rows <a> Ariel </a> </j>

<j> <t> ACCI-DENTAL </t> Pulling the wrong tooth <a> Ariel </a> </j>

<j> <t> MR. GLADSTONE </t> has been written to on the subject of Church singing. Of course he knows what everyone re-choirs. <a> Moonshine </a> </j>

<j> <t> SYRUPE OF QUILL </t> The sweet things written about pretty actresses. <a> Judy </a> </j>

<j> <t> SOME PARTS OF SCOTLAND </t> are afflicted with a mice plague. It is a pity that some back-tieria of our suburban cat plague cannot be cultivated in the neighbourhood. The mice might, perhaps, retire under puss-snasion <a> Moonshine </a> </j>

<j> <t> WISDOM </t> "My son, never love a girl for money, it's wrong; but never love a girl with-out money. That's Stupid." <a> Slopor </a> </j>

<j> <t> OUR DOMESTICS </t> - I wish to leave this day month. - Very good. And why? - Well, I heard you say to master, "Is the servant in?" <a> Judy </a> </j>

<j> <t> A MISFIT</t> - No, schnapps, this coat won't do. I look a perfect in it. - Donnerwetter! What would you habe? It is not my fault. Ze coat is beautifool. <a> Judy </a> </j>

<j> <t> CHAPPIE </t> (after missing his fourth stag, explains): Aw - fact is, the-aw-waving grass was in my way. - Old Stalker: Hoot, mon, wad ye hae me bring out a scythe> <a> Punch </a> </j>

<j> <t> IT'S A WEARY WORLD </t> - (Scene: A Seaside Meeting). - Joyous One: Hullo, old chap! How long have you been down here? - Melancholist: oh! ever since yesterday <a> Judy </a> </j>

<j> <t> BEWARE OF THE DOG </t> - Wife (emphatically): That dog of Smith's, across the way, bit mether again this morning, and I want to know what you propose doing about it? - Husband (brutally): I think I shall buy the dog. <a> Fun </a> </j>

<j> <t> OVER THE CLUB FIRE </t> - Porkins: Talking about dogs, there used to be such a clever dog at our place. - Growler (in an audible aside): I do hate to hear a fellow boasting about his ancestors! <a> Ariel </a> </j>

<j> <t> PIRATE BUSES </t> Stolen kisses <a> Ariel </a> </j>

<j> <t> A FRESH ARRIVAL </t> A new-laid egg. <a> Judy </a> </j>

<j> <t> NO "RAIL"-ERY INTENDED </t> - (Scene: Brighton Express): Oh, guard! tell me - who is that distinguished-looking person? - That. mum? That's the driver <a> Judy </a> </j>

<j> <t> RATHER NERVOUS </t> - Hostess: Why don't you sing, Mr. Shyman? - Well-er-the fact is, I only Know two songs. "Pop goes the Queen" and "God save the Weasel." <a> Sloper </a> </j>

<j> <t> TIRED </t> - Mrs. Sidon: I've been shopping all day. I am just ready to die, I am so tired. - Mr. Sidon: So am I. - Mrs. Sidon: Goodness! What should make you tired? - Mr. Sidon: The bills that came to the office. <a> Funny Folks </a> </j>

<j>

<t> "SIGNS" OF THE TIMES </t> - The autograph craze. <a> Funny Folks </a> </j>

<j> <t> A HINT </t> - He: How is it that your cousin always insists on playing whenever I am talking to you? - She: Perhaps she wants to touch your feelings. <a> Pick-Me-Up </a> </j>

<j> <t> THE INFLUENZA </t> is rampant in Mr. John Morley's constituency. There was never less need to carry cold to Newcastle than just at present <a> Moonshine </a> </j>

Periodical - Transcription item Item Type Metadata

Periodical Title

Lloyd's Weekly Newspaper

Periodical Frequency

Weekly

Column Title

Jokes of the Day

Gale document number

Y3206278546

Page

7

Year

1891

Date

06/12/1891

Files

Citation

“Lloyd's Weekly Newspaper (London, England), Sunday, December 6, 1891,” Victorian Meme Machine - Transcriptions, accessed January 17, 2018, http://victorianhumour.com/o/items/show/63.

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