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Lloyd's Weekly Newspaper (London, England), Sunday, September 27, 1891

Lloyd's Weekly Newspaper (London, England), Sunday, September 27, 1891.jpg

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<j> <t> THE STERNER SEX. </t> Hullo, Gerty ! You've got Fred's hat on, and his cover coat ? - Yes ; don't you like it ? - Well ; it makes you look like a young man, you know, and that's so effeminate. <a> Punch </a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]</t> SERVANT ( coaxingly ) : Now, tell me truly, milkman, don't you put just a little water in your milk ? - Milkman : Don't you try to " pump " me, my gal ! <a> Pick-Me-Up </a> </j>

<j> <t> INFORMATION WANTED. </t> HOW to paint a puppy's portrait in " distemper. " Whether a burglar's caligraphy ought not to be copper-plate ? Are bankers illiterate ? We so often see bankers' pass books. <a> Judy </a> </j>

<j> <t> A MAIDEN SPEECH. </t> " Because it it. " <a> Ariel </a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]</t> SIR EDWIN ARNOLD declares that Fleet-street is the most poetical place in the world. H might add that its frequenters fully respond to the influences of the locality. Every other man who steps you in Fleet-street is a poet. There is not one of them but is ready to favour you with an owed. <a> Moonshine </a> </j>

<j> <t> THERE'S NO LOVE LIKE THE OLD LOVE. </t> Policeman ( to woman loudly bemoaning a lost shilling ) : Now then ! Move on ! I know yer tricks. That gentleman's just given yer a shillin' to make it right. - Old Woman ; Yes ; but that ain't the one I lorst. <a> Judy </a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]</t> THE most remarkable powers of fashionable ladies. - The stay-ing powers. <a> Moonshine </a> </j>

<j> <t> AT BOGNOR. </t> Landlady : I think I'd better make that there feller from Lunnon pay his board in advance. - Hey Crony : Ain't he got no money ? - Landlady : He can't have much. He's been goin' around all day in a coat made out of an old flag. <a> Pick-Me-Up </a> </j>

<j> <t> THE NEW M.P RIAL DEFENCE. </t> Run away. <a> Ariel </a> </j>

<j> <t> AUTUMN LEAVES. </t> Departures from town just now. <a> Judy </a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]</t> HOW to find a snowdrop - Tumble down a crevasse. <a> Fun </a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]</t> IT is said that the Sultan of Turkey keeps a fast steamer at hand ready to make a bolt of it at a moment's notice. What with foreign diplomacy and domestic intrigue, his highness's existence is one of blue funk. Every post from abroad intensities his terrors, and every step in the ante-chamber adds to his scares. <a> Moonshine </a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]</t> A NEW mail-carte for the youngster : A photo of his father. <a> Judy </a> </j>

<j> <t> WHAT DID SHE MEAN, PRECISELY ? </t> He : Pretty dress, that young lady's wearing - cut rather low in the back, though. - She : Humph ! Too much show altogether, I think. <a> Fun </a> </j>

<j> <t> HOLIDAY FARE IN CORNWALL. </t> A roll on the billow, A loaf by the shore, A fig for fashion, And cream galore. <a> Punch </a> </j>

<j> <t> GOOD FELLOWSHIP. </t> Fellowship of the Royal society. <a> Judy </a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]</t> " BUT look here ! If they ship off all the Jews to America, or Egypt, or wherever it is, who's to buy u all the old clothes. I should like to know ? You'll never get a Christian to do it. " <a> Moonshine </a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]</t> A HORSE LEECH : A vet. <a> Judy </a> </j>

<j> <t> ANY (S)PORT IN A STORM. </t> Lady Lil : What a dreadful bore ! It's raining quite fast, and we can't go just yet. Whatever shall we do ? We've seen all the celebrities and taken stock of all the bonnets and new gowns. - Lady Vi ( suddenly inspired ) : I have it ! - Let's look at some of the pictures -till the rain stops. <a> Fun </a> </j>

<j> <t> PARADOX. </t> " Brown, " said Jones to Mrs. Smith, Brown's landlady, " Brown, " said Jones, " seems a monstrous popular fellow. I never find him in when I call. Where does he go when he's out ? " " ' At hemes ' " said Mrs. Smith. " ' At homes ? ' " quoth Mr Jones. " Yes - he's a reciter ! " <a> Judy </a> </j>

<j> <t> FREE ( AND EASY ) EDUCATION. </t> Master ( to Board School urchin who has introduced phonetic spelling in his dictation exercise ) : Every word wrong ! You'll stop and do this after school, Tommy. - Tommy : No, jolly fear ! I'll spell 'ow I likes ; eddication's free now. <a> Ariel </a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]</t> WHAT difference is there between to-day and to-morrow ?- To night. <a> Fun </a> </j>

<j> <t> A MAN WHO SHOULD KNOW THE ROPES. </t> The public hangman. <a> Judy </a> </j>

<j> <t> DISTURBANCE IN CHINA. </t> A Tempest in a Teacup. <a> Ariel </a> </j>

<j> <t> FACT AND FICTION. </t> Elder Sister : It was just here the great battle was fought, Pussy. - Pussy : Who fought it ? - E. S. : The Normans and the Danes. - Pussy : Oh, only those hist'ry people ! I'm very glad. I thought you meant real people ! <a> Fun </a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]</t> TOYSHOPMAN : Beg pardon, Miss, but here's your change, which you'd forgotten ; one-and-ninepence ! - Little Maid : h, thank you very much ! But we're not allowed to take money from anybody by Grandpapa ! <a> Punch </a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]</t> WE know a man who sent to Peru for a dog, so that he could always have a supply of the local bark. <a> Judy </a> </j>

<j> <t> " THE GREAT LOAN LAND " </t> Russia. <a> Punch </a> </j>

<j> <t> " GETTING AT " THE MEENISTER. </t> TWO little Urchins : Say, Meenister, the deil's deid. D'yer ken ? - The Meenister : Hey, noo, ye dinna say sa ! Then I'm afaert there's twa fatherless bairns the maid of ye. <a> Judy </a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]</t> THE Barmaids' Guild. Do they ? We know some of them painted, but we did not know they had gone in for decoration to this extent. <a> Moonshine. </a> </j>

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