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Lloyd's Weekly Newspaper (London, England), Sunday, October 4, 1891

Lloyd's Weekly Newspaper (London, England), Sunday, October 4, 1891.jpg

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<j> <t> WHAT A PITY ! </t> Master Builder : 'Ullo, Sam ! 'ow did you come to break this winder ? - British Workman : Putt the ladder through it, guv'nor. - Master Builder : Confound you ! Didn't I tell you before you came on this job that the people was pertickler ? <a> Judy </a> </j>

<j> <t> THE SOCIETY ELOCUTIONIST. </t> Fair Critic : She is quite an amateur, but, somehow, she goes. - Unfair Critic : So do her audience. <a> Fun </a> </j>

<j> <t> MEN. IN COLOURS. </t> Man's life is two colours, simply told : Green while you're young, and grey when you are old. <a> Punch </a> </j>

<j> <t> REPARTEE. </t> Celebrated Lawyer, travelling in Scotland : My good man, can you tell me why you stand in that position - with your hands in your pockets ? I haven't seen you make a move all the morning. - Sandy : Aweel, ye ken it's bekase I hae na been far eno' sooth ta pit ma honds in onybody else's. <a> Judy </a> </j>

<j> <t> DEAR FRIENDS. </t> First Fair : So, after all, you are going to be married, darling !- Second : Oh, yes ; and it was not my last chance, anyway, dear ! <a> Pick-Me-Up </a> </j>

<j> <t> THAT'S WHY. </t> Why should our stock-brok-ing friend, Riggabit, who always wears shopherd's plaid trowsers, never sit down without putting one leg over the other ? - Because a business man should never omit to cross his checks. <a> Judy </a> </j>

<j> <t> A SOUL FOR MUSIC. </t> The sole of a creaky boot. <a> Fun </a> </j>

<j> <t> BALMACEDA'S LAST LETTER. </t> A. <a></a> </j>

<j> <t> INDISCRIMINATE CHARITY. </t> Benevolent Old Lady : No, Mr. Smith, I shall not continue my subscription to your cricket-ground any longer - for I heard you allow it to be used in the winter for pigeon-shooting ! - Secretary to the Local Cricket Club : But, madam, you can't be aware that we shoot at nothing but clay pigeons ! --- B. O. L. : I don't care what the breed may be - it's equally cruel ! <a> Punch </a> </j>

<j> <t> STRATASEM. </t> He : I was in hopes that our families would come to open war. - She : They're thievery best of friends. Why ? - He : Because we could start it by an engagement. <a> Fun </a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]</t> SHE ( to Mr. Hotspur, who has just proposed ) : Oh, Mr. Hotspur, this is so sudden ! Mr. H. ( recently graduated ) : Then pardon me, but I -- er -- I thought ysu could stand surprise better than suspense. <a> Funny Folks </a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]</t> GEORGE ( about to enjoy the first new-laid egg from the recently set-up fowl-house ). Why -- conf --- they've boiled the porcelain nest-egg ! <a> Punch </a> </j>

<j> <t> A " HOWLING " SWELL. </t> Father : I hear from Alice that you were serenading her last evening. - Cachou : Yes. - Father : Well, I just came out to apologise for throwing that soap-dish at you. You see, I thought it was the dog. <a> Fun </a> </j>

<j> <t> ECONOMY IS WEALTH. </t> Judge : Do you plead guilty or not guilty, Moses ? - Moses : May I conzult a lawyer ? - Judge : You may. - Moses : How much you charch to get me off ? - Lawyer : Five pounds. - Moses : Too dear. Guilty : your honour ! <a> Funny Cuts </a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]</t> THE Pope has issued an edict against duelling. We had supposed that duellists, nowadays, were such poor marksmen that they never hit anything. It will surprise nobody more than themselves that they have scored even a Papal bull at last. <a> Moonshine </a> </j>

<j> <t> THAT EXPLAINED IT. </t> Lady : My husband and I never dispute before the children. We make it a rule, if we think a quarrel is coming on, to send them out. - Kind Friend : Oh, that's why I see them so often in the street ! <a> Funny Folks </a> </j>

<j> <t > MARRIAGE A LA MODE </t> First Fair One : That can't be one of the old duke's daughters. She's too young. - Second Fair One : Oh ! that's his second wife - just married, you know ! <a> Pick-Me-Up </a> </j>

<j> <t> VERY TRUE. </t> Don't take on so, my lad. What's done's done. - Yes ; there's no use crying over spilt milk. - No ; it only makes it more watery. <a> Judy </a> </j>

<j> <t> HOLD ON. </t> You very often hear people speak of a stork as one that " quite lays hold of you. " Is that what is meant by a prehensile tail ? <a> Judy </a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]</t> A LONDON doctor has walked from Edinburgh to London on vegetarian fare. Perhaps he did not find it much cheaper than the train fare. We hope no wicked people, on hearing of this wonderful walk, will exclaim " Walker. " <a> Moonshine </a> </j>

<j> <t> NOT USED TO IT. </t> Mr. Goslin seems to be lost in thought. - Yes ; but it does not take much thought for him to lose himself in. <a> Funny Cuts </a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]</t> MEN WHO HATE LONG SENTENCES : Criminals. <a> Judy </a> </j>

<j> <t> THE OCCUPATION OF EGYPT. </t> Waiting for the overflow of the Nile. <a> Ariel </a> </j>

<j> <t>[Untitled]</t> IT is really surprising that so many divorces are applied for, considering that the applicants have already had a disillusion of marriage. <a> Moonshine </a> </j>

<j> <t> THE PASSPORT QUESTION. </t> Will you kindly pass the bottle ? <a> Ariel </a> </j>

<j> <t> NEAR THING TO A STORM IN A TEA CUP. </t> The conspiracy in China. <a> Funny Folks </a> </j>

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