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Lloyd's Weekly Newspaper (London, England), Sunday, December 20, 1891

Lloyd's Weekly Newspaper (London, England), Sunday, December 20, 1891.jpg

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<j> <t> "SAUCE FOR THE GOOSE" </t> - Ethel: Mummy dear, why did you tell Richard "you weren't at home" just now? (Pause.) - Mummy, I mean -. - Mamma: When Sir Fusby Dodderidge called? Why Ethel dear, because he bores me. - Ethel: oh! (After thoughtfully considering the matter with regard to her governess.) Then may i say i'm not at home when Miss Krux calls to-morrow? for she bores me awfully? <a> Punch </a> </j>

<j> <t>TESTAMENTARY GRATITUDE </t> On the will of a celebrated poet being opened and read, it was discovered that the weaver of odes and epics had. with pretty gracefulness, left everything to the imagination <a> Judy </a> </j>

<j> <t> NEW HATS FOR OLD </t> Have you seen my hat, waiter? A new one with -.- Too late, sir: the best ones 'ave been gone this 'arf hour. <a> Judy </a> </j>

<j> <t> A STEPFATHER</t> - She: No; I can never be your wife. I will be your -. - He (interrupting): Sister! Never! -She: I was going to say daughter. My mother would only be too delighted to marry you. <a> Sloper </a> </j>

<j> <t> A THUMPING REPLY </t> - He: I think it's outrageous to pamper up a dog like that. it makes me sick to look at it. Haven't you anything better to do? - His Relative (savagely): Well, I haven't a husband, and i must have a brute of some sort to look after. <a> Pick-Me-Up </a> </j>

<j> <t> THE WISE VIRGIN </t> - Perdita (heroically): I cannot - I will not marry you, Alfred, against your mother's wish. - Alfred: I wish you were not so sensitive! - Perdita: It is not because I am sensitive - it is because your father's estate is left at her disposal. <a> Funny Folks </a> </j>

<j> <t> RATHER AWKWARD </t> - Elsie: Why have you given up your Sunday school? - Winnie: I found that all the children were growing up, and they began to ask awkward questions. - Elsie: What sort of questions, dear? - Winnie: Well, one of them asked me to marry him. <a> Funny Folks </a> </j>

<j> <t> MOTTO FOR THE DIVORCE COURT </t> - Marry, and come up! <a> Punch </a> </j>

<j> <t> THE MODERN BALL PROGRAMME </t> - Cousin Alice: of course you are going to dance with me, George! - George (a noted athlete, who has been persuaded by his pretty cousin to take a few lessons in dancing and come to the Hunt Ball) : I'm awfully sorry, Ally, but there are nothing but waltzes on the card, and i only trained for squares <a> Fun </a> </j>

<j> <t> CLEAR AS CRYSTAL </t> - Tommy: I say, this is just jolly - the surface doesn't cut up at all. - Nurse (unexpectedly looking up) : You'll get your surface cut up, Master Tommy, when your ma sees what you've been and done to that looking-glass! <a> Ariel </a> </j>

<j> <t> DOUBTFUL </t> - You can't trust my husband any longer! Why, he's safe as the bank! - Indeed, madam! Which bank? <a> Judy </a> </j>

<j> <t> WOULD NOT BE POSSIBLE </t> - Very Fat Man : Now, then, conductor, don't let that 'bus go till i get on! - Conductor (to himself) : It certainly wont when you do <a> Funny Cuts </a> </j>

<j> <t> CHRISTMAS THEATRICALS </t> (Theatre Royal, back drawing room). - She (during the interval) : Have you heard the waits? - He : No, but we're seeing them. <a> Pick-Me-Up </a> </j>

<j> <t> DAYLIGHT ROBBERY </t> - The incursion of a London fog. <a> Fun </a> </j>

<j> <t> A CRACKED BILLIARD PLAYER </t> The Leopard who never changes his spots. <a> Ariel </a> </j>

<j> <t> CHOLLY </t> Aw-think you'll go to the World's fair at Chicago next yeah? - Fwed : Aw-yaas. -Cholly : Aw-how'll you go, deah boy? - Fwed : Think i'll go by water, doncherknow. <a> Funny Folks </a> </j>

<j> <t> WILL POWER </t> The Influence of the G.O.M <a> Funny Folks </a> </j>

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